Things we hate

I know some people only want to help but...... they need to really think before they speak. It is really annoying when you have been to hell and back and racked your brains trying to make your lives better, and then along comes someone with no knowledge or intent to educate themselves about strokes and the impact it has on your whole family and lives with some pearls of wisdom!! Here are some examples Frank (as the one with the disability) and me (the carer who has to deal with fallout from the stroke) have had to hear and usually grin and bear, because as Franks favorite saying goes "You can't put brains in a statue"!!

My favorites:

*Take care of yourself:* yeah right because I have all the time in the world!

*I know it's hard:* No you don't, you have No idea!

*Why don't you just go out for a few hours*: Umm, do you realize he needs help with everything?

*You need a holiday*: Ha yeah right and how is that going to work?

*Why are you tired, you don't have to go to work:* really? and maybe because he wakes me up every night and I have to do everything!

*Why don't you sleep in*: because he can't get out of bed or dress on his own!

*You should get an early night*: and how is he going to get undressed and into bed?

*It could have been worse*: ah my favorite- yeah destroying both our lives and futures isn't really that bad

*Thank God he survived*: Yeah is this the same God I should thank for making our lives so hard?

*You should go out for dinner and spoil yourself*: yeah, with all the money we have left over from our pensions, not to mention how much I will enjoy going and cutting up his food!

*I know someone who's had a stroke and they can walk:* do you even understand how different strokes affect the brain?

*Get the kids to look after him to give you a break*: Would you really want your children toileting and looking after their father?

*You should come and visit*:Yep I love getting him organised to be away from home all day and driving long distances by myself while he sleeps in the car, and carrying a urinal everywhere we go because he has issues that you don't need to know!

*You're not very patient*: When it takes you about 20 minutes to get him into bed every night before you can go to bed, then you can tell me about being patient!

*Sleep in another room*: and who is going to move his arm when he rolls over during the night so he doesn't dislocate his shoulder?

*I know it's not easy to care for someone, I had to look after my partner/parent for a few weeks when he/she was sick*: Yeah whatever, try almost 10 years!

Franks Favorites:

*Hurry up*: If I could move faster don't you think I would?

*You should find a hobby*: bit hard when you only have 1 arm and are legally blind

*Go to the mens' shed*: Yeah because I will feel better sitting in a wheelchair, surrounded by strangers, can't see, can't hear and can't do much with one arm!

*why don't you try doing .......*: don't you think if I think of something I'm capable of doing, I would be doing it?

*Think positive*: let me take away your life, hopes and dreams and let me see how long you stay positive !

*Try Harder*: Yeah, because I haven't been trying my hardest for a better life in the last 9 years!

*When friends and family ignore his phone calls* :I know everyone has busy lives, bout at least call back or message, sometimes I just need someone to talk to, it can make my day better!

And these are just a few of well intentioned pearlers!!!